Tag: life

  • tension and release…

    Intro. The weather is music to my ears. Crescendos and decrescendos, tension and release. Today started out without a cloud in sight. Pianissimo. It was hot, but things were moving along fine.

    As the day went on, the clouds appeared. Then a few more. Then a bigger batch arrives. The orchestra builds on harmonies and nuance. Pretty soon there is a solid overcast. A cadence sets the rhythm of the day, soon to accelerate.

    The clouds become more dense, darker in tone. The brass pound out a minor melody, setting the stage for things to come. The strings soon follow, accentuating every chords, dark and deep. The sun is shut out, little by little, note by note, until it is but a faint melody on the wind.

    The sun now sets, leaving us no choice but to embrace the storm upon us. The clouds fill with rain, as the tuba drones and the woodwinds swirl the trees wildly. The trumpets sound the alarm. The people run for solace, the snare drum marks their steps. It’s but a matter of time.

    I sit inside, secluded from the madness. I have to make it back to my dorm before I get swallowed in the storm. Do I dare take on the beast? I have no choice.

    But as I depart; the tension builds unbearably, the clouds and cellos rumbling on in force, the violins screeching blinding light, the percussion drives it to the brink. I can’t go on. I must yield.

    Then, the release. The rain sprinkles down, a cleansing wash. The flute sings a glorious song, easing us back into stillness. I allow myself to be overtaken by the tender coat of raindrops. My clothes will be dry again, but now, they need to feel alive.


  • Falwell falls

    I’ll admit that I didn’t know much about Jerry Falwell before he died. I grew up in a Christian home and attended a non-denominational church, but I never tried to pretend I knew much about “the Church” or its leaders. Now that I’m a college student, I guess I have to start caring. But caring about a person like Jerry Falwell is quite a feat, even for a believer like me.

    My biggest beef against Falwell is that he really wasn’t a Christian at all. He was a hatemonger, a hypocrite, and a terrible representation of Christ, among other things. He accused feminists, liberals, homosexuals, labor unions, and those infected with AIDS of causing the September 11th attacks instead of ministering to them as a man of God should. He gives other Christians a horrible name. In fact, the only thing he really gives the world is another reason to steer clear of church altogether, and I wouldn’t blame you if that’s exactly what you did.

    A man like Falwell should not be involved with politics, because that’s the last thing Jesus would do, but of course he just had to create the “Moral Majority” to provide a safe haven for churchgoers to point their fingers at the rest of the world without even thinking of pointing it at themselves. The organization disbanded in the 80s, but the inspiration lives on through the Republican Party and current day hatemongers—I mean televangelists, like Pat Robertson and Bill Donahue.

    I wish I could speak for all Christians when I say that these men do not represent Biblical teaching, but sadly, there are still many out there who insist on using the Bible as a weapon of hate rather than a tool of compassion, which is its true purpose. We live in a country where religion is thought of as a set of rules and is required if you want to get into heaven. But the truth is that religion is man-made—hence, flawed. It’s run by humans who are just as corruptible and insidious as the next guy. If you put all of your stocks into something that is going to fall away, don’t be surprised when you’re left with nothing in the end. And that’s exactly what Falwell gave us: nothing. Nothing except spiritual terrorism in the name of Christ.

    To non-believers: Jesus is not a religion. Jesus, to me, represents a lifestyle that demands humility, forgiveness to all (all meaning everyone, including those who Falwell so adamantly opposed), and a charitable heart. Don’t dress up for church or put your hands up during worship just to impress God. He sees through that bullshit quite easily. Instead, talk to someone you don’t know. Make amends with your enemy, then treat him or her to Starbucks. Clean up a mess without being asked, especially if it’s not yours to clean. Make sure your tipsy friend gets home safe. Jesus befriended the lowest of lows in his time; the lepers, the prostitutes, the tax collectors. Jerry Falwell condemns them. So much for being Christ-like.

    To my fellow Christians: stop pretending to be righteous. If there is one thing that non-believers, and fellow Christians, see easiest it’s hypocrisy. Wearing a crucifix around your neck while you judge homosexuals sends a strange message to those around you. If you actually have read the Bible, you would remember that “if anyone considers himself religious and yet does not keep a tight rein on his tongue, he deceives himself and his religion worthless” (James 1:26). Don’t deceive yourself, and don’t make God worthless. In other words, shut up and do something. Be relevant to the lesser of this world. Do anything else and you’d just be kidding yourself.


  • where were we?

    The shooting at Virginia Tech is definitely shocking and saddening, but it’s not new. Every couple of years there seems to be another school shooting and the perpetrators all seem alike. They are loners, malcontents, and victims of an ever-depreciating society. Cho Seung-Hiu, the Virginia Tech killer, was probably deeply disturbed and psychotic, but what caused him to be that way? Certainly his negative family environment, self-prescribed isolation, and increasing anger had something to do with it. But where were the friends to help him out? Where were his parents to provide a positive example and nourishing environment?

    The political pundits were quick to cite violent video games and even terrorism as the motive behind the massacre. It’s an easy answer. The Columbine killers played violent video games and fantasized about terrorizing other students. I hate to quote the Black Eyed Peas on such a serious issue, but “where is the love?” The boys that commit these atrocities had no love. It seems like such a hippie, new age thing to say, but Jesus said it all the time. We are too busy with our own lives to give a damn when someone cries for help in every way. Our iPods have to be listened to, that TV show has to be watched, we have to instant message all night, but we can’t simply open our eyes to something that’s staring us right in the face.

    I’m just as guilty as anyone on this. I like listening to my iPod a lot and watching my favorite TV shows religiously. But how can I justify getting my entertainment fix while a fellow brother or sister in Christ is so depressed, so overcome that they consider murdering dozens of their peers and then themselves? Blame cannot rest on one source alone but on all of us. We failed Cho just as much as we failed the students that were killed. I hope we can all have the strength and courage to turn off our iPods once in a while and look around at our brothers and sisters in Christ, hoping and waiting for the chance to step in and love unconditionally.


  • lifestyles of the rich and the famous

    To fans of music: Rock stars/musicians/bands are in no way better than you. There seems to be a universal acceptance of a rock star’s disrespectful and arrogant attitudes and actions, but I find this unacceptable. My guess is a lot of kids start bands because they want to be famous and have people love them. This is a natural human desire and that’s probably why we keep on idolizing bands and artists, even if they have little or no talent.

    As a musician in an aspiring rock band, I meet a lot of fans (who are awesome by the way). They like to express their feelings towards our music and I really appreciate it when they do that. But when liking our music goes as far as basically worshiping us, I don’t want any part of that. At the risk of sounding pretentious (Joel), I don’t want to be worshiped. That goes against everything a “rock star” should think, but I’d rather chill with fans after shows and really try to get to know them. We’ve met so many awesome people all over the place as a band and I don’t think any of us would want to trade that for pseudo-praise or a hedonistic lifestyle.

    So in conclusion, I want to make it known that I am not against voicing your thoughts to your favorite or least favorite bands. I have many favorite bands that I would love to meet and talk with. But just watch how much effort you put into over-complimenting and worshiping your favorite band. They might deserve that praise for their talents, but on the human level, they are the same as you.


  • Brightest

    Walking back to my dorm from chapel last night, I saw the coolest image I’ve seen in a long time. A full moon against a dark sky with the slightest shade of the darkest blue you could imagine. Clouds shaped like cotton ball clusters slid by the moon so gracefully. Coincidentally, a Copeland song called “Brightest” was playing on my iPod as I looked up at the sky. The clean, crisp night air refreshed my senses and the whole experience broke through to my soul. The moon shone so brightly that all the beautiful buildings I passed were ever so tinted with a faint light, making the moment seem all the more surreal.

    It’s moments like these that prove God’s existence. He is in the colors and the sounds and the smells that invigorate us everyday. These images are always out there waiting for someone to take the time to sit back and look at them. You don’t have to go to Hawaii or the Rocky Mountains to see something spectacular. Just open your eyes a little wider than they’ve been recently and wait to see what happens.


  • you’re coming alive to me (part 2)

    Nobody likes 8-hour shifts. Especially me. Especially Peter Gibbons. But since I have to work to get earn some money, I had no choice. But today’s 8-hour shift wasn’t that bad. In fact, I sort of enjoyed it. Not because of the work I have to do or the people I have to do it with, but because of what I thought about during the shift to make it go by faster. I thought about my awesome experience this summer as a camp counselor, I thought about the awesome times I had on tour with the band, I thought about how cool a girl I like is (no I’m not telling and no I’m not dating anyone). When I thought about stuff like that, I kept smiling and having a positive attitude throughout the day. That sounds so saccharine but it totally worked. The fact that my legs were killing me and the work I was doing truly sucked didn’t phase me because I was thinking about sliding through a tunnel lined with oatmeal, mud, and old milk surrounded by dozens of screaming elementary school kids.

    The point is that if you try to find something positive in every thing you do, every thing you do will become positive. Whenever I think of it, I ask God to teach me something I need to learn whether it be small and subtle or huge and obvious. A lot of times I don’t figure out exactly what I’ve learned until way after the incident. It just smacks me in the back of the head saying “Listen up you oblivious buffoon!” The things I’ve learned from these very experiences have completely rocked my world and everything I know about it. I’d highly recommend it.


  • you’re coming alive to me

    I love it when music and movies come alive. Recently I listened to Copeland’s new album, Eat, Sleep, Repeat. That album, as well as Jack’s Mannequin’s Everything In Transit, somehow opened up a new gateway into music and life for me. When I listened to them, everything else I had ever heard before that seemed stale. They completely revolutionized music for me, however hyperbolic that may sound. I was in just the right mood for the music to reach right into my soul and shake things up. I’m sure that if you are more than a casual listener to decent music you’ll know what I’m talking about. Maybe you’ve had a bad day, or bad month, and listening to a certain album just smashes a window open you didn’t know existed in your soul. I love it.

    With Jack’s Mannequin, I remember my heart just throbbing and getting goosebumps while walking home from the public library. At that moment, God just came alive to me. It doesn’t even matter what kind of music you’re listening to. Each strum of the guitar was like a shock to my heart. Another time, I was listening to Sanctus Real’s The Face of Love. During that season of my life, I had been thinking a lot about love and what it really meant. Three different arenas of my life–classes, church, and music–all happened to focus specifically on this subject, which I know now wasn’t a coincidence. Listening to The Face of Love and thinking about the lyrics and how they applied to my life, it was like another jump start to my heart. My windshield had just been wiped clean and I could finally make sense of the stuff that was ahead of me.

    This happens with movies as well. My sister could attest to this. In the months before our grandpa and grandma died, she was away at college and couldn’t be with them as much as she wanted. She had always been really close to them, so whenever she was getting down about it, she watched Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. I cannot vouch for the quality of the movie, but that doesn’t matter. She is emotionally bound to that film and to this day she watches it whenever she is having a bad day. We all can be moved by certain movies, whether it be because of its sadness or uplifting message. I recently watched Casablanca. I’ve only met one person who does not like/love this movie, and for good reason. I love the romance, I love the stubbornness of Rick (which I can relate to), and I love how there are so many things I can learn from it. That movie, along with a few others, lifts itself off the screen and into my heart. And sometimes, with all the crap we carry with us, that is exactly what we need.


  • Desirable

    This is the artistic version of the previous post. It’s a writing project I had to do for Creative Writing last year. The objective was to write a story/opinion piece/whatever in the perspective of the opposite sex. My attempt got the top prize for realism. See what you ladies think.

    Sometimes I wish I were a guy. They don’t worry about their appearance as much as girls do. I hate myself for hating myself. I see the supermodels and hot actresses in perfect condition and wish I could be that attractive. It seems like I’m always too fat or too ugly to get any attention from guys. I want to be beautiful. When a guy does hit on me, even if I know it’s for the wrong reasons, I eat it up. It means he thinks I’m attractive enough, and I love that. I know it’s so shallow, but if there is one thing that can bring me out of the dumps, it’s a compliment. But sometimes I want something beyond the average compliment; I want to be called beautiful. Not ‘hot’, not ‘fine’, not even ‘sexy’. Beautiful. When you say that, you’re saying that I am desirable on a level beyond my weight, my bra size, or how good or bad I could ever perform in the bedroom. You’re saying that I am more attractive on so many more levels than any supermodel could seem to be. I want to feel desirable. I want to be the only thing you can’t stop thinking about throughout your day, the only thing in the world you want to be with.

    A simple phrase can change everything. If you love me, say it. Tell me everything about me that you find desirable. As guys want to feel respected and admired, girls want to feel loved and adored. If you like the way my hair looks today, say it. Being told by a boyfriend or even a boy friend that there is something about me that he enjoys or adores lifts my self-esteem to unimaginable levels. People wonder why so many women suffer from eating disorders and the intense desire to be skinny, but I know it’s because they feel inadequate. You never know if I had just been cut down by a friend and so needed a compliment by someone who cares about me. If you love me, tell your friends about me, and do it when she’s not around. This shows that you aren’t being superficial when you’re around her and that you care for her enough to risk being sentimental around your macho buddies.

    All in all I just want to be loved. I want to feel safe when I’m around you, knowing that you care enough about me to protect me. I want to be a woman worth fighting for, whose heart you are willing to risk all to defend. Your eyes should be the only mirror I will ever need.

    I want to be desirable.


  • a guarantee

    I was walking back to my room after history class today and my conversation with my neighbor Jon took an interesting turn. He pointed out a girl on the other side of the street whom he thought to be attractive. He went on to explain that she wasn’t drop-dead gorgeous by any means, but he still felt attracted to her. I knew exactly what he meant.

    When the time comes when I’m attracted to someone enough in multiple ways, I don’t necessarily want her to look like a supermodel. If I had it my way, I would be the only person in the world who felt physically attracted to her, as well as emotionally and spiritually. Basically I want her all to myself. Girls: that means that you don’t have to look like the Hollister models. Someone out there thinks you’re the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. That’s a guarantee. Don’t forget it.


  • Right you are, Aristotle

    We’re reading Nicomachaen Ethics in my Philosophy 100 class. In Book IX Aristotle talks about friendship and what it requires. The three kinds of friendship he describes are:

    1. utility: where each party finds something of use in the other
    2. pleasure: whether it be simply enjoying each others company or sharing a common interest
    3. complete: where self-interest is put aside and total moral virtue towards each other is key.

    Aristotle claims that one should only have very few complete friendships for they require a lot of work and attention to keep strong. It was also said that there should be no justice among complete friends, meaning one shouldn’t expect everything to remain even. We should be willing to do anything for our friends even if that means not being at even with them. That being said, there are certain necessities for friendship:

    -there should be a conscious reciprocity, meaning that the love within the friendship should be able to go both ways
    -and that doing things for your friend isn’t something done merely out of goodwill for them. We should be willing to do those things out of complete love for them and not out of charity.

    The reason I’m writing about this is because after I heard all of this, I realized that my friendships are always like this. I always seem to need justice within my friendships. This feeling probably comes from the pride within all of us. CS Lewis talked about pride in Mere Christianity as an ugly beast inside of us that works completely against all the good we hope for. It therefore is linked to humility. I want to be able to serve and love my friends without the expectation of eventual justice. It’s a daily battle I think we all fight.

    That’s my two pennies.


  • Test one two…

    I thought I’d give this blog thing a whirl. I realized that I have all these thoughts floating around in my head and they never seem to get into my journal or someplace useful. Let’s just have a discussion. You and me, camping in the mountains beneath the stars with nothing better to do than talk.

    Thanks for stopping by, blogger.